This is what I’ve done today: eaten chips, eaten sandwiches, eaten more chips…drunk wine, drunk beer….walked miles with dogs to get locusts from pet shop for gecko but they’d run out…faffed on face book… felt sad , .. felt a bit shit..quite liked some people..liked some animals enormously..wondered if my life is going down the drain…
Today was Bollocky Bollox..but I just remembered the good thing: 4 Budweiser down to £3 in Sainsbury .that were TWIST CAP OPEN…not only is this good for anyone who doesn’t carry a bottle opener around with them (I’ve been known to ) ..BUT it means those people who casually open their beers by hand on Sons of Anarchy etc..probably had TWIST CAP OPEN bottles. I feel less of a wuss now..because I’ve always just bled when I’ve tried to do it. it’s like striking a match on the ass of your jeans..doesn’t work with safety matches. When I was a teen, my claim to fame was rolling a spliff with one hand while holding the waist of a motor cyclist with the other… on a bike I mean..not strolling down the High Street…….
Yesterday I spent a merry eight hours writing/editing Book 3, working title Treading Water. Maybe the title has proved prophetic, because at the end of 8 hours the edited version of the book, which I saved as I went along, on computer and USB, had mysteriously vanished, gone, been swallowed into a parallel universe. At times like these I wonder if I’m going completely mad. After throwing things, kicking things and screaming fit to waken the student neighbours from their afternoon recovery period, I took deep breaths and edited again. This time it took three hours. Which means something. Can’t say what though.
September spooks me; it always has. As a kid who couldn’t stand school, being cooped up in a classroom, being fed maths instead of being down the river or in the sand hills, September was like the shutters coming down.
When it was dark for so many hours of the day, and I had to be home when it started to go dark, it was a prison sentence. I didn’t like being home. I liked being outside. I still go outside when I’m panicking about something.
When my son was very young I started to be okay with September. I had a partner; not his father of course, that would be too simple. I had a girlfriend for four years, and she liked cooking and travelling, and we went to Greece, America, all over Ireland, Scotland. I bought a big Morris Oxford Saloon for 500 Quid, had a garden in my Peckham flat, and September was like any other month; until my son started school.
September didn’t haunt me again until my son left home, and I was living alone.