I can’t do sums. Just can’t. I’m able to do a vague approximation, and I remember that bit at school, where we approximated  the answer first, so when we then ‘Did it Right’ we knew we had  ‘Got it Right.’ I never ‘Got it right.’
When I was training as a dancer, I got a summer job in a pub, and this was long before anyone could tap ‘vodka’ into an automated till and it does the maths. We did the maths, in our heads. So the bigger the round the more ‘wildly approximate’ my totting up was. I only got caught out when someone ordered the same round and questioned why it was a different price than half an hour earlier.
I was eighteen, in a denim mini skirt and a big smile. I didn’t get the sack. I got huge tips. Not tits. I didn’t have those.


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