Mental Health and Picnics

This day last year I was on a site where you told your story about mental health  problems, to raise awareness. I think I talked about the many years professionals spent deciding if I was manic depressive or schizophrenic. They came to the idea it was schizophrenia because of the number of visual hallucinations I experience, and really I’m manic/productive more often than depressive. They don’t always separate bi polar and schizophrenia these days, and they can chuck as many labels at me as they like, so long as they help.
They decided on my drugs, and they work, mostly. They gave me as much therapy as the NHS could support (24 cognitive analytical) and it helped because I could talk for an hour without the self-loathing I feel when I bang on about my problems to friends.
I think the times I’m depressive are as a result of the chaos I wreak in my personal life when I’m manic. I’m not going into a big guilt trip about this chaos, because that is where Awareness comes in, I think. My family are Aware, but it doesn’t do any good., they keep me at arms length and have since I was a child. Making people aware  can have people run a mile. It’s a risky business. It’s not a picnic.

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