Avoiding watching paint dry

Paint needs to dry so I can add flourishes of sharpie. What better time to indulge in navel gazing  and self reflection? Morning page scantily clad as blog entry. At this moment in time, I’m totally unaware of what is happening in anyone else’s life.This is the point of writing a blog post, rather than an FB post: my intention is to write a totally selfish pointless post. Morning pages are not for others to read. The fact I will hit ‘share on FB’ after I’ve written this only proves how sad I am. I’m embracing how sad I am. This is ‘Sad Case awareness Day’ on the very tiny Planet Kaz.
I’ve come to the conclusion I’m unfixable. I’ve always thought at some point I would be fixed; when I grew up; hit twenty; thirty; forty; fifty.Being fixed would mean not alienating everyone. Being fixed would mean not being alone on Planet Kaz. Yet here I am. Because however much people say they care about me, I’m aware of how easy it is to stop them caring, and that it’s only a matter of time. Frequently I hurry it along, just to get it over with, and so I feel a bit of control in the situation, instead of that helpless feeling, where I wonder what I did wrong.

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4 thoughts on “Avoiding watching paint dry

  1. Thank you. I think this is one reason we write. Another I think is not getting over things. I just don’t get over things. Writing doesn’t make it go away, but it becomes necessary for survival xxxx

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